Saying 'no'

Today I drew a line and created a boundary...

Saying ‘no’ is something many people struggle with, especially people-pleasers. I am absolutely one of those people, I will run myself into the ground and bend over backwards saying ‘yes’ to everyone, until, eventually, I end up burning-out.

Oddly, this has never happened in my writing life… until this winter.

Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash

A Busy December

In the last two weeks of December and the start of January, something incredible happened… I got my creative spark back.

Due to work commitments and looking after my 16 month old (mostly) solo, I wasn’t able to dedicate as much time as I wanted to my writing, whether that be working on my novel, researching literary agents, looking up writing competitions etc. But then, the Christmas holidays began and I found myself dedicating the majority of my time to my writing. It was blissful… and addictive.

I attended four courses and a zoom call in the short space of three weeks. One was about meditating and writing (by Nadia Colburn - seriously, go and have a look on Instagram, it was so peaceful and productive!), another was the Winter Writing Sanctuary (by Beth Kempton), another was How to Find a Literary Agent (hosted by Jericho Writers), and finally, I attended a webinar on How to Write a Query Letter.

Although in some ways these courses revitalised me, they also drained me. Especially as the emails encouraging me to buy products and follow prompts started flooding my inbox (and look, I totally get it! Here I am writing Substack pieces that will inevitably be sent to inboxes…). BUT, on top of these emails, Facebook writing groups were becoming inundated with Substack profiles and pieces of writing, so much so I ended up not being able to concentrate on any of the beautiful things that came out of people’s lovely minds.

Instagram was no different, responses to writing prompts were filling up my feed and I found myself becoming so overwhelmed, I fell behind on the Winter Writing Sanctuary. I still have days’ worth of content to get through, but I just can’t bring myself to doing it.

As I was about to start Beth’s writing prompts, in a desperate attempt to catch-up with the other members of the course, my inner-voice said firmly:

Serenity Came

Photo by Deniz Altindas on Unsplash

The power of this tiny two-lettered word was enormous. I cannot emphasise this enough.

I instantly started to relax and my mind began to clear. My inner-voice kept up with her dialogue:

“No, you’re not doing a million writing prompts. If you need inspiration, then by all means, give it a go.”

“No, you’re not going to spend thousands of pounds on courses you cannot afford, even if they’re great. Finish the first draft of your novel, take a large gulp of coffee, breathe, and then see how things go when finances are a bit better.”

“No, you’re not going to read the fifty emails that have come in through these courses. Select them all, press delete. If you really want to have a look when you’re feeling clearer, look in the Bin folder.”

“No, you’re not failing because you’re taking a breather… girl, you just did four fucking courses. Put your feet up and relax!”

Although direct, my inner-voice gave me so much comfort (perhaps because she was so direct) and now, I feel so much lighter. I’m not worrying about what everyone is doing, or thinking about whether I’m falling behind or not, because I’m not. I’m resting, breathing… and now I’m writing a Substack essay whilst feeling totally content and happy.

I always thought if I said ‘no’ I would die or the world would explode. But it felt amazing.

‘No’ may have become my new favourite word.