I Am THAT Writer

A realisation over a bowl of spaghetti hoops...

Life has a funny way of making you see things so clearly over the weirdest of timings or observing the strangest of objects. This evening, I had a sudden realisation as I watched my nearly-two-year-old son devour a bowl of spaghetti hoops.

I had been exhausted all day, all week, all month even, but after consuming three cups of sugary coffee and barely any food, my energy levels were depleted. Not only was I physically feeling the sluggishness that comes with a caffeine drop, creatively and spiritually I felt stuck. I’ve been able to write a bit here and there, but nowhere near as much as my soul has been crying out to do. I suppose it doesn’t help when you follow lots of authors on Instagram who have written seven book series in two years. There’s me, trying to be the supportive indie-author by giving these social media artists a follow and a like, but deep-down, I envy them.

How did they do it? How did they manage to write that many books in such a short space of time? What is their job? Are they super wealthy and don’t have to work? Are they able to self-publish with a click of their fingers because they have money? How?! Just how?! What is their secret? And why am I not able to do the same thing?

I so desperately wanted to be the kind of writer that could do it all. I wanted to be able to succeed at an intense job (teaching), be an amazing mum to a toddler, get out in nature and wander around barefoot, and write, write, write… Sadly, I found that whenever I tried to chase this lifestyle that so many authors seem to have, I failed miserably. I couldn’t keep up with the pace. I found myself taking massive breaks in my writing because I was so exhausted from trying to do everything all at once.

That’s where my head-space has been lately. Caught between the battle of the Creative vs. the Realist. It’s been depressing, suffocating, energy-consuming - it’s been shit.

Until today happened, and a tiny, seemingly insignificant moment happened, that has shifted my perspective completely.

Photo by Mae Mu on Unsplash

Just before I served my son dinner, spaghetti hoops and basil sticks, I had a sudden burst of energy, the final kick from the three cups of coffee no-doubt. I decided to do a little research into self-publishing - nothing too intense, just a little peek behind the curtain. I grabbed my copy of Writers’ & Artists’ Yearbook 2024 and my notebook, gave my son his dinner and sat next to him in the kitchen to do my research.

Before I even opened the first page, I looked at my toddler, happily hoovering his spaghetti hoops and chatting between mouthfuls, I was hit with the realisation: I am that writer. The writer who can do it all and have it all.

The secret? You just can’t do it all at the same time! (Or maybe some people can - which is great, but if you’re like me, then nope… you need rest, you need order, you need to live a normal life and make your art around your schedule).

It’s so simple, right? But it really did click into my very core that I can absolutely pursue my dream of publishing a novel series, but it will take time whilst I raise my toddler, teach, clean, decorate… just… live. And that is okay. Instantly, the tight feeling in my body relaxed and my mind didn’t feel so shackled by the burden of the normal day-to-day tasks.

So, if you’re an artist of any kind, and you have to work, parent, live etc. I see you, and I think this is totally normal to feel overwhelmed and sad that sometimes your art has to take a backseat, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter to you or that you’re not serious, it might be that life is just a bit much at the moment, or you haven’t had the chance or opportunity to find a schedule where your art fits in nicely with the things you have to do first.

I will get there. You will get there. We will get there.